I friend of mine asked me to post a question on my blog and see what others out there think of his current situation. I haven't gotten a comment on my blog for a while, and so I don't know if anyone is even reading anymore, but here goes anyway.
He is a newly wed of about five months. About a year ago his wife bumped into her old high school boy friend. They were a couple for about two years, and were sexually active with each other. She broke up with him their senior year, because he was making her uncomfortable. Basically stalking her. They've had no contact until running into each other accidently a year ago.
I guess the boy friend is married now with kids.
Well, he immediately starts calling her all the time, and sending her text messages on her cell phone, and by her own admission has said a couple of things that she said were inappropriate for a married man to say to another woman.
Here's where it gets wierd. The four of them, ex-boy friend and his wife, my friend and his wife, all get together and do stuff as friends. They will have dinner together, or whatever, and sit around talking about the good ole' days of high school and stuff. Everyone but my friend who didn't go to school with them.
This whole situation makes my buddy very uncomfortable, and he hates going over there, and doing that. He thinks it's dangerous for their marriage, and that x-boy friend has more on his mind than just being friends. He's tried to talk to her, but she is VERY stubborn and determined to keep up this so-called frienship. He asked me to blog about it, and see what the opinions of others might be out there on the situation. He'll be checking in to read your posts, and he'll probably eventually show them to his wife.
Your help is appreciated
14 years ago
4 comments:
As a woman, I do understand the wife's position here. I have kept contact with many ex boyfriends over time. On two separate occasions, I have been told by an ex that he still thought of me, wished I wasn't with 'that other guy,' or would try to reminisce our sexual escapades together. I laughed stuff like that off at first, but in my heart of hearts I knew that they weren't just trying to be friends.
In fact, a couple weeks ago I agreed to meet an ex at the bars. The ex even said my current boyfriend was welcome to come..
So we get there, have a good time, etc etc. My boyfriend goes to the restroom, and then my ex takes advantage of the private time to tell me he can't stand being in the same town as me anymore, wants me back, still loves me, and lots of things I was flattered to hear. But still... it was inappropriate.
The thing that made me break off contact with the exes that behaved like this, was the idea of the roles being reversed. Which actually did happen. One of my boyfriend's exes started calling, texting, and asking him out to go to the movies "as friends." He didn't see anything wrong with it, but I hated the idea of them alone together in a dark movie theater. Hell, even going out for coffee in a public place!! I knew her intentions were to get back with him. She didn't care one bit that he was dating me at the time.
Bottom line, he should ask his wife how she would feel if the roles were reversed. He also needs to tell her that he genuinely feels uncomfortable in that kind of situation. There's no sense in keeping it all bottled up, as it will just create more tension, and he will be miserable.
...this is a tough one. For reasons beyond what I can briefly write, I cannot judge anyone in this scenario. Another thing I've learned, no one can make another person do something they are unwilling to do. One thing I will say, I have a best friend, from my past, that I was extremely close to for seven years, and had very little communication with for almost the last twenty years. Now that his friendship is available again to me, because of understanding spouses, my life feels complete again. I'm not sure anything could deter me from his friendship!
That's great to know Gina. I think that you have to look at these types of things individually. It's always been kind of sad to me that just because two people, who were once great friends, have to end their friendship entirely just because things didn't work out between them in "relationship" sense.
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